Natalie "Where's That Lamingtons Video!?" Tran of Youtube fame recently posted a video about how she'll wear the same outfit over and over. You can view it here, it's a good chuckle.
Watching her discuss her own outfit choices made me realize something, something I hadn't quite added up into "the big picture" yet, though I was aware of the individual pieces. The ephiphany? I am really, really weird when it comes to clothes.
I live alone, and I wear pajamas almost 24/7. When there's an unexpected knock at the door, I throw on a hoodie that fits me like a tent, because I have a lot going on in my chest area and like hell I'm wearing a bra under pajamas. If the surprise visitor / postman / delivery guy notices that I look like something the cat dragged out of bed, I use the "excuse" of not feeling well. It's not actually an excuse, because unfortunately it's the truth... but this post isn't for depressing stuff, it's for the funny and odd situation of my clothing scheme.
Right, so, pajamas. Check. But what if I want to have an actual visitor over? I have an outfit for that, one of my random t-shirts and pairs of pants. (It should be noted, my entire wardrobe is t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, cargo pants, and Tripp-style pants aka the goth bondage pants that went out of style while I wasn't paying attention, which is all the time.) After the few hours I wear the outfit during the visit, I throw it in a drawer. This outfit can last weeks or longer before it needs to be washed.
And then there's the "outside" outfit. I'm slightly OCD, so I don't like the idea of getting outside-germs all over my stuff at home. So there's a random shirt and pants combination that gets worn during errands or anything else that takes me into the wide world. This outfit also gets thrown in a drawer when I get home, but it doesn't last quite as long as the visitor-outfit.
Sometimes there is a third outfit, the "I need to check my mail or do something else in my apartment building" outfit. This way, the germs outside my apartment stick to one outfit, but I don't have to wear the full-blown been-all-over-town germs outfit.
So yes, Nat, I see your "my clothing choices are weird" challenge and raise you the pajama rule. Pajamas rule. That is all.
Showing posts with label general wtf-ery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label general wtf-ery. Show all posts
Monday, February 02, 2015
Friday, March 28, 2014
Tales of Sims gone wrong: Off The Streets and Hannibal Lecter games
I've been playing some pretty demented Sims games lately, one of which was a former Homeless Challenge game that I'd won and was continuing on with the Sim's lifetime wish and whatnot. The other is an attempt at murdering every starting NPC Sim in the game, which doesn't quite work so well when it comes to Unlucky Sims and whatnot, butanyways.
It should be noted these are Sims 3 console games without cheats. On with the show!
Off The Streets game
Shane Riddick started as an insane woman painting and writing books through her homeless life. She noticed that William Connor constantly ignored his toddler daughter River while he was reading books at the library, failing at flirting with women, and mooching money off people. The poor girl would scream and cry and pass out cold, eventually magically vanishing from the lot in the evenings. River had the insanity trait too, which she thought about a lot, and who can blame her!
When Shane successfully left her homeless life behind, she had a plan. First, flirt with deadbeat dad William, then... end up left in his house while he went off to work. At least by now, Shane could interact with River and thus took care of the girl that night, feeding her and playing with her and putting her to sleep. When daddy came home, the plot continued. A steady relationship was formed, Shane proposed, and William hurried into a private marriage ceremony. River came with him to Shane's house... which looked suspiciously like a nice little park with only a bench and a trash can nearby. Uh...?
Surprise, William! You've been evicted from the family and from existence completely, because Shane promptly moved to a new house with River and kicked deadbeat dad out of the game permanently. Shane raised River properly, every birthday a magical event, and River made record time earning her lifetime wish of Chess Grandmaster.
One day when Shane was chatting up John Nelson, the boss for the Military career track, she had a wish to kiss him. She did, but she didn't go as far as trying to make Johnny boy the supposedly family-man cheat on his wife with her... first, Shane asked him to break up with Roxy. After knowing Shane for a whole ten minutes, John said, "You know, you're right! I don't need her." It wasn't long before Shane and John were trying for a baby, though there was no promise made yet of a future together.
Big surprise when John came over the next day: Shane said it was time to move on, start seeing other people. John was heartbroken and mad, and may or may not have noticed that Shane was pregnant with his child. Once he left, Shane wrote a scathing article about him for her journalism job, and that was the end of anything with John. A few days later, son Richard was born, who would happily grow up Evil and wish to be a Master Thief.
Shane decided it was time to move, since her house was better suited for two. Riddick was thrilled to move to a new place while mommy and sister didn't really seem to care either way. Checking back with the old house later, guess who moved in? Not-such-a-family-man-after-all Johnny boy. He must love living in a place with no beds, stove, toilets, or tubs.
Shane is currently working on the Jack Of All Trades lifetime wish and is almost done writing her Masterpiece. Riddick is working hard on being a criminal and River paints, and that's where I last left off playing.
Hannibal Lecter game
Ah, the good doctor. His goal was to trap and kill every starting household in the town via starvation and/or fire. Lecter discovered the hard way that children can only be killed via fire, not starvation, and that Hannelore Landgraab would just plain not die because she was pregnant. The Nelson home became a lost cause because teenager Sofi's Unlucky trait made her be resurrected by the Grim Reaper every time. Speaking of Grimmy, Lecter also built a slight relationship with him, because Grims would sometimes stay to chat, watch television, or read a book. The most bizarre occurrence so far happened when Lecter visited police lady neighbor Penny Aragon.
First, he noticed by looking in the screen door at the back of the house, that there was a newborn baby sleeping on the kitchen floor. The only way that would have happened was if it passed out, while screaming and crying from being utterly neglected by mommy. He watched as she finally walked over, woke up the baby, and fed it a bottle... then placed it right back on the floor and walked out of view.
Ding dong, doorbell! Hello, this charming, handsome older gentleman would like to speak to you, miss! Lecter noticed another baby on the floor as he walked in. Penny had twins... but no cribs or baby stuff of any sort. While the doctor chatted Penny up into friends territory, she completely ignored the twins screaming and crying randomly. They would give up after a few minutes, and then start crying again later.
Lecter invited Penny to come visit, and she said, "Sure, why not!" The twins magically vanished completely from sight while Penny and Lecter ran over to his house. Penny promptly found herself trapped in a doorless, windowless room... and the twins did not show up again anywhere visible in or around her house for the duration of her ill-fated life. When she died, her house stood empty, and a day or two later, another family moved in.
It should be noted these are Sims 3 console games without cheats. On with the show!
Off The Streets game
Shane Riddick started as an insane woman painting and writing books through her homeless life. She noticed that William Connor constantly ignored his toddler daughter River while he was reading books at the library, failing at flirting with women, and mooching money off people. The poor girl would scream and cry and pass out cold, eventually magically vanishing from the lot in the evenings. River had the insanity trait too, which she thought about a lot, and who can blame her!
When Shane successfully left her homeless life behind, she had a plan. First, flirt with deadbeat dad William, then... end up left in his house while he went off to work. At least by now, Shane could interact with River and thus took care of the girl that night, feeding her and playing with her and putting her to sleep. When daddy came home, the plot continued. A steady relationship was formed, Shane proposed, and William hurried into a private marriage ceremony. River came with him to Shane's house... which looked suspiciously like a nice little park with only a bench and a trash can nearby. Uh...?
Surprise, William! You've been evicted from the family and from existence completely, because Shane promptly moved to a new house with River and kicked deadbeat dad out of the game permanently. Shane raised River properly, every birthday a magical event, and River made record time earning her lifetime wish of Chess Grandmaster.
One day when Shane was chatting up John Nelson, the boss for the Military career track, she had a wish to kiss him. She did, but she didn't go as far as trying to make Johnny boy the supposedly family-man cheat on his wife with her... first, Shane asked him to break up with Roxy. After knowing Shane for a whole ten minutes, John said, "You know, you're right! I don't need her." It wasn't long before Shane and John were trying for a baby, though there was no promise made yet of a future together.
Big surprise when John came over the next day: Shane said it was time to move on, start seeing other people. John was heartbroken and mad, and may or may not have noticed that Shane was pregnant with his child. Once he left, Shane wrote a scathing article about him for her journalism job, and that was the end of anything with John. A few days later, son Richard was born, who would happily grow up Evil and wish to be a Master Thief.
Shane decided it was time to move, since her house was better suited for two. Riddick was thrilled to move to a new place while mommy and sister didn't really seem to care either way. Checking back with the old house later, guess who moved in? Not-such-a-family-man-after-all Johnny boy. He must love living in a place with no beds, stove, toilets, or tubs.
Shane is currently working on the Jack Of All Trades lifetime wish and is almost done writing her Masterpiece. Riddick is working hard on being a criminal and River paints, and that's where I last left off playing.
Hannibal Lecter game
Ah, the good doctor. His goal was to trap and kill every starting household in the town via starvation and/or fire. Lecter discovered the hard way that children can only be killed via fire, not starvation, and that Hannelore Landgraab would just plain not die because she was pregnant. The Nelson home became a lost cause because teenager Sofi's Unlucky trait made her be resurrected by the Grim Reaper every time. Speaking of Grimmy, Lecter also built a slight relationship with him, because Grims would sometimes stay to chat, watch television, or read a book. The most bizarre occurrence so far happened when Lecter visited police lady neighbor Penny Aragon.
First, he noticed by looking in the screen door at the back of the house, that there was a newborn baby sleeping on the kitchen floor. The only way that would have happened was if it passed out, while screaming and crying from being utterly neglected by mommy. He watched as she finally walked over, woke up the baby, and fed it a bottle... then placed it right back on the floor and walked out of view.
Ding dong, doorbell! Hello, this charming, handsome older gentleman would like to speak to you, miss! Lecter noticed another baby on the floor as he walked in. Penny had twins... but no cribs or baby stuff of any sort. While the doctor chatted Penny up into friends territory, she completely ignored the twins screaming and crying randomly. They would give up after a few minutes, and then start crying again later.
Lecter invited Penny to come visit, and she said, "Sure, why not!" The twins magically vanished completely from sight while Penny and Lecter ran over to his house. Penny promptly found herself trapped in a doorless, windowless room... and the twins did not show up again anywhere visible in or around her house for the duration of her ill-fated life. When she died, her house stood empty, and a day or two later, another family moved in.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
I Just Wanted a Cookie Sheet...
So, I bought a cookie sheet from Sears yesterday. It proudly states on the large label that came with it, "A New Generation of Faberware for a New Generation of Cooks." It's metal and covered in grey non-stick coating, pretty standard stuff these days. The, errm, entertaining part? Reading the back of the label once I got home and pulled it off.
I present, for your viewing pleasure, some head-scratching wtf-ery. The actual text from the label is in bold and my comments are normal text.
Important Safety, Use and Care Information
Thank you for choosing Faberware® Bakeware. These instructions are for your general safety, use and care to avoid personal injury and damage to your bakeware.
Soopah. Do tell me how to not maim myself and fr0g up my pan, oh mighty safety label!
BAKING
* Keep small children away from the oven while you are baking. Some pets, especially birds, have extremely sensitive respiratory systems and should be kept away from the kitchen area.
Oookay, is this one of those "Translation: We got sued cuz some idiot's kid got hurt while the parent was baking and not paying attention to the kid crawling in the oven" things? Odd that they mention birds specifically. Unless you remember how people used to use canaries in mines to warn miners that there were dangerous gasses in the area that would kill the bird before a human. Awesome. My brand new bakeware could make a bird sick or worse if its cage is in the kitchen while I'm cooking with this thing? Brilliant.
* Use caution when handling hot bakeware and always have potholders available for use.
Definite "Translation: We got sued." People should not be stupid enough to need to be told this. Sadly, instead of survival of the fittest, we have survival of who can sue fastest before a warning label is applied.
* Never place your bakeware over a direct flame. Do not use bakeware on stovetop, oven use only.
Same as last point most likely, but a more fitting entry to a proper care listing. So much for making a bunch of hotdogs faster over a campfire. Oh right, I hate camping. Unless it's in an FPS. xD
* Bakeware is oven safe to 500°F.
...Only? No wait, seriously? What happens should my usual gluten-free bread recipe sends the temperature past 475° like is quite common because I have a gas oven that has no idea what the temperature dial actually says (yay for oven thermometers)? I'll often find it at 500°F or higher if I space-case it and don't set the oven to 450° like I usually do, expecting it to hit at least 475° anyways. But yeah. WTF. My oven dial goes to 525° before it hits the Broil section. If you're going to produce bakeware, make it fr0gging bake-safe to a temperature nobody's going to get near. Maybe this "New Generation of Cooks" just uses the microwave instead.
* Never use your bakeware in the microwave.
Speaking of which... anyways, I'm calling "Translation: We got sued" on this one too. While my cookie sheet is big enough that I don't think there's a microwave out there that could hold it, this label looks generic enough to be packaged with smaller pans. But yeah, microwaves come with instructions that say NO METAL. Also, most people learn this really darn fast with the first metal object they try nuking (a spoon or even metal bits on a dish). I... I.... yeah whatever. Moving on, this one lost its funny already.
* Do not use metal or sharp-edged utensils, which will scratch the nonstick surface.
This always bugged me about nonstick stuff. I honestly wish there were more non-nonstick products out there. Y'know. Like, good old-fashioned bare metal. I can use oil. I can cook. But whatever. Okay, I shall baby my cookie sheet of fragileness.
* Do not use nonstick sprays.
I gotta wonder what that actually does, and why it doesn't get along. I don't own nonstick sprays anyways. That's what oil is for. I'm not paying some company extra just to stick it in a can and add a bunch of questionable chemicals to it. So, are we paying attention? No nonstick spray on the nonstick pan. Noted. Guessing if I use it, I'll start the zombie apocalypse.
CLEANING
* Before first use and after each use, wash pans thoroughly with mild dishwashing detergent and warm water. Do not use oven cleaners to clean cookware.
I think you can fill in the blank on this one. Gotta wonder what that lawsuit settlement netted the nitwit who not only had enough time to waste to connect oven cleaner and cookware, but then make it sue-worthy. Probably causes some nasty chemical reaction that's dangerous. Sigh. Of course oven cleaner is for fr0gging ovens. And anyone who can't wash a brand new dish before using it without being told to by the warning label is... well, probably appearing on today's episode of Judge Judy.
* Avoid soaking pans overnight. Dry promptly and thoroughly after washing.
Awesome, so if one extrapolates from the fact that this even has to be listed on the label... these pans are damaged by even slightly-extended exposure to water. Come on. Soaking pans with stuck-on food is normal. Who green-lighted this product?
* Although bakeware is dishwasher safe, hand washing is recommended.
Yeah cuz this thing kills birds, can't stand water for long, and isn't actually bakeable to a reasonable temperature.
* Do not use dishwasher detergent tablets; these concentrated cleansers will damage the finish.
You mean the ones even I use on below-poverty-line income? Yeah, okay, I only run the dishwasher like once every two months at the most and just use it as a dish drainer otherwise, but.......... yeah, I get it. "Welcome to your new cheap-ass cookie sheet. This is why you only paid $9.99 for it. Go back to using the microwave... and make me a sandwich, biatch."
Faberware® Quality Assurance
Faberware® is dedicated to producing a trusted brand of bakeware. Faberware® pans are manufactured and inspected to ensure the highest quality standards. Please let us know immediately if you find any defects with your new Faberware® pan. Please contact us via our website at...
Yadda yadda etc etc done. The sad thing is, my alternatives are pretty much the same thing from some other company. I miss cooking necessities free of harmful substances and goofy warning labels. But hey, the food industry itself has been trying to kill us for decades (if not longer). Why stop there? The stuff you use to cook that food may as well be dangerous too! Meanwhile, I'm gonna go wash my new cookie sheet. With dainty pink dish detergent and water that is hopefully not too hot. Whoo.
I present, for your viewing pleasure, some head-scratching wtf-ery. The actual text from the label is in bold and my comments are normal text.
Important Safety, Use and Care Information
Thank you for choosing Faberware® Bakeware. These instructions are for your general safety, use and care to avoid personal injury and damage to your bakeware.
Soopah. Do tell me how to not maim myself and fr0g up my pan, oh mighty safety label!
BAKING
* Keep small children away from the oven while you are baking. Some pets, especially birds, have extremely sensitive respiratory systems and should be kept away from the kitchen area.
Oookay, is this one of those "Translation: We got sued cuz some idiot's kid got hurt while the parent was baking and not paying attention to the kid crawling in the oven" things? Odd that they mention birds specifically. Unless you remember how people used to use canaries in mines to warn miners that there were dangerous gasses in the area that would kill the bird before a human. Awesome. My brand new bakeware could make a bird sick or worse if its cage is in the kitchen while I'm cooking with this thing? Brilliant.
* Use caution when handling hot bakeware and always have potholders available for use.
Definite "Translation: We got sued." People should not be stupid enough to need to be told this. Sadly, instead of survival of the fittest, we have survival of who can sue fastest before a warning label is applied.
* Never place your bakeware over a direct flame. Do not use bakeware on stovetop, oven use only.
Same as last point most likely, but a more fitting entry to a proper care listing. So much for making a bunch of hotdogs faster over a campfire. Oh right, I hate camping. Unless it's in an FPS. xD
* Bakeware is oven safe to 500°F.
...Only? No wait, seriously? What happens should my usual gluten-free bread recipe sends the temperature past 475° like is quite common because I have a gas oven that has no idea what the temperature dial actually says (yay for oven thermometers)? I'll often find it at 500°F or higher if I space-case it and don't set the oven to 450° like I usually do, expecting it to hit at least 475° anyways. But yeah. WTF. My oven dial goes to 525° before it hits the Broil section. If you're going to produce bakeware, make it fr0gging bake-safe to a temperature nobody's going to get near. Maybe this "New Generation of Cooks" just uses the microwave instead.
* Never use your bakeware in the microwave.
Speaking of which... anyways, I'm calling "Translation: We got sued" on this one too. While my cookie sheet is big enough that I don't think there's a microwave out there that could hold it, this label looks generic enough to be packaged with smaller pans. But yeah, microwaves come with instructions that say NO METAL. Also, most people learn this really darn fast with the first metal object they try nuking (a spoon or even metal bits on a dish). I... I.... yeah whatever. Moving on, this one lost its funny already.
* Do not use metal or sharp-edged utensils, which will scratch the nonstick surface.
This always bugged me about nonstick stuff. I honestly wish there were more non-nonstick products out there. Y'know. Like, good old-fashioned bare metal. I can use oil. I can cook. But whatever. Okay, I shall baby my cookie sheet of fragileness.
* Do not use nonstick sprays.
I gotta wonder what that actually does, and why it doesn't get along. I don't own nonstick sprays anyways. That's what oil is for. I'm not paying some company extra just to stick it in a can and add a bunch of questionable chemicals to it. So, are we paying attention? No nonstick spray on the nonstick pan. Noted. Guessing if I use it, I'll start the zombie apocalypse.
CLEANING
* Before first use and after each use, wash pans thoroughly with mild dishwashing detergent and warm water. Do not use oven cleaners to clean cookware.
I think you can fill in the blank on this one. Gotta wonder what that lawsuit settlement netted the nitwit who not only had enough time to waste to connect oven cleaner and cookware, but then make it sue-worthy. Probably causes some nasty chemical reaction that's dangerous. Sigh. Of course oven cleaner is for fr0gging ovens. And anyone who can't wash a brand new dish before using it without being told to by the warning label is... well, probably appearing on today's episode of Judge Judy.
* Avoid soaking pans overnight. Dry promptly and thoroughly after washing.
Awesome, so if one extrapolates from the fact that this even has to be listed on the label... these pans are damaged by even slightly-extended exposure to water. Come on. Soaking pans with stuck-on food is normal. Who green-lighted this product?
* Although bakeware is dishwasher safe, hand washing is recommended.
Yeah cuz this thing kills birds, can't stand water for long, and isn't actually bakeable to a reasonable temperature.
* Do not use dishwasher detergent tablets; these concentrated cleansers will damage the finish.
You mean the ones even I use on below-poverty-line income? Yeah, okay, I only run the dishwasher like once every two months at the most and just use it as a dish drainer otherwise, but.......... yeah, I get it. "Welcome to your new cheap-ass cookie sheet. This is why you only paid $9.99 for it. Go back to using the microwave... and make me a sandwich, biatch."
Faberware® Quality Assurance
Faberware® is dedicated to producing a trusted brand of bakeware. Faberware® pans are manufactured and inspected to ensure the highest quality standards. Please let us know immediately if you find any defects with your new Faberware® pan. Please contact us via our website at...
Yadda yadda etc etc done. The sad thing is, my alternatives are pretty much the same thing from some other company. I miss cooking necessities free of harmful substances and goofy warning labels. But hey, the food industry itself has been trying to kill us for decades (if not longer). Why stop there? The stuff you use to cook that food may as well be dangerous too! Meanwhile, I'm gonna go wash my new cookie sheet. With dainty pink dish detergent and water that is hopefully not too hot. Whoo.
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